What Did You Expect?

Moms have a lot of jobs, and it’s usually the case that none of them pay very well.

My work as a chef? Zero compensation, and my clientele are very rarely pleased with my efforts. My role as a teacher, a maid, a chauffeur, a therapist — same deal. Ironically, these jobs consume so much of my time that I am constricted in my work as a writer — the only sphere where I do actually garner any earnings.

It is so easy to grumble about all of this, and I do it all the time. Because despite the fact that I know better, I expect repayment for my good deeds. Deep in my soul, I expect it.

That’s a huge problem.

In my defense, I don’t think this is a very uncommon thing. I think, if we’re being really honest, we all expect “payment” for being a good person. We want God to give us what we ask. We want people to treat us a certain way. We want our day to go smoothly. We expect these things as a matter of course; we feel entitled to them, and we become grumpy when we are denied them. I worked so hard. I gave so much. What was it all even for?

But what if we expected absolutely nothing?

When you hold a banquet, Jesus said, invite those who cannot return the favor. Give not just without the expectation of repayment, but without the possibility of it.



Think about that for a minute. What does that even look like — no possibility of payment?

I know what that looks like in my own life. It’s giving more to the literal poor, yes, but it’s also giving more — and more happily, more lovingly — when I cook and clean and drive and write and console. It’s not lamenting that no one appreciates me — it’s actually hoping no one does.

It’s learning to love the lowest place at the table. Because in the lowest place, we are closest to God.

©LPi